Hello, dear readers, we’re back! Sorry we were gone last week with no warning, it’s just that life is a prison and we didn’t ask to be born, and we are but a voyager on an endless sea of pains and pleasures and also we got tied up doing dumb shit, so thanks to SFR’s Dave Cathey for filling in for us while we did dumb stuff and laughed the whole time.
Anyway…
Do y’all remember back in 2019 when we wrote about how we couldn’t possibly give a shit that Chipotle was opening a Santa Fe location? If not, here’s a link to that piece. In short, we were kind of like, “Oh, dang, why would we go to that burrito place when literally every other place in Santa Fe does a burrito that’s likely better?” People were mad, but it was just the truth. And now, we’re back in a similar vein to say that we can’t possibly care that Santa Fe’s getting its own Crumbl at 3777 Cerrillos Road as of July 11, because that is a cookie shop that eschews the letter “e” and replaces it with cookies that are, like, fine at best and teeth-meltingly bad for you at worst and…look, there are better cookies available locally.
We all know this to be true, the better cookie thing, but Crumbl has proven popular out there in the world amongst the Instagram/TikTok crowd of people who’ve turned eating at the blatantly homophobic Chick-fil-A before heading to Starbucks into a personality somehow. We’ve seen the Reels and the TikToks about how Crumbl cookies are so big and so good and in no way undercooked/over-thicc monstrosities of dough that might best be used to feed to someone to whom you’re trying to explain the sensation of being bloated. We tried a couple in a faroff land called California, and while we have to say the chain is clearly going for it all with some clever flavor options, we mainly felt like we were eating a dough ball crammed with nonsense ingredients.
Maybe it’s just us, but if we’re going to ingest the absolutely insane amounts of sugar and fat that make up cookies, we at least want to know a bakery is using those things well. We’ve mentioned it a million times at this point, but Santa Fe cookie shop Chainé, for example, sources as much locally as owner Chainé Peña possibly can. Or look to the Chocolate Maven, where the cookies are often organic (maybe always, but we can’t possibly pick up a phone to call and ask right now because it’s raining and it’s dangerous to talk on the phone in the rain.
Hell, we had a chocolate chip cookie at Java Joe’s the other day, and it was phenomenally good. Do you see the photo up there? That’s the cookie. It was all crisp and crunchy around the edges and then buttery and chewy through the middle parts and had the faintest whisper of caramelized sugar that took the whole flavor into the stratosphere. It was, in fact, so good that we wouldn’t share it with anyone, and the person with whom we were having coffee was all like, “Why can’t I have some?” and we were all like, “SHUT UP!” as cookie crumbs flew from our lips in an insane display of cookie love so authentic and true that the scholars shall consider its philosophical implications for millennia to come.
It doesn’t end there. You know who has better cookies than Crumbl? Your mom. Hahaha! #Swish. But seriously, Mille has better cookies, as does the French Pastry Shop. REMIX Audio Bar has better cookies. Look, if you want to go to Crumbl, that’s fine and all, but you should know we have better cookies around here already, and you might want to think about becoming a more interesting person than the type who thinks going to Target makes you interesting. As always, down with chains, up with locals!
Oh, and PS? We did call the Maven to ask about the cookies, and while they use a number of organic ingredients, they’re not 100% organic. They’re still delicious, though, so do with that what thou wilt.
Also
We wanted to extend a hearty “Happy Birthday!” to Railyard-adjacent Italian restaurant Andiamo!, which turned 30 just recently. It’s no small thing to keep a restaurant going for decades, and Andiamo! Has always been a rather delicious and cook place to grab a meal. So yeah—way to be, buds! You know what else dropped 30 years ago? Smashing Pumpkins’ Mellon Collie and the Infinite Sadness (a masterpiece, and we mean that); that first Foo Fighters record; (What’s the Story) Morning Glory? by Oasis; Björk’s Post; that one and so many more. What a cool year for music that was!
The Bull Ring steakhouse has returned to offering a happy hour, Monday-Friday from 2-5 pm. Word is they have some new menu items and drink specials, so know that and try that and run tell that or whatever people said in 1995.
We are devastated to hear Midtown burrito and taco spot El Rigoberto’s was pretty much set to close, but we just heard [on the day we are writing this edition of The Fork] that it looks like they got a reprieve and signed a new lease after all. If you’ve yet to visit the restaurant at 2207 Cerrillos Road, they have some of our favorite burritos in town and they’re affordable like woah. We aren’t sure what the future holds, but according to this review from SFR, you simply must try the California burrito.
This is only half-local, but do y’all remember when we were going on and on about that company So Delicious and their dairy-free coconut faux whipped cream a few weeks ago? Turns out they do a coconut ice cream sandwich, too, and you can get them at Natural Grocers and now we’re obsessed! Also? Natural Grocers has the best produce in town right now, just saying.
Oh, wait, a new best produce contender has entered the ring! The Santa Fe Farmers’ Market Del Sur markets are back as we speak. If you didn’t know, these are Southside markets on Tuesdays so people don’t have to come all the freaking way to the Railyard if they live over on that side of town. Cool!
This deep cut Pumpkins song is such a banger. We’re all about disc 2 of Mellon Collie the older we get. What about you? You’re probably some kind of Gish loser. You like Pisces Iscariot? Yeah, right! Freaking liar. That doesn’t make you interesting!
More Tidbits
Speaking of Crumbl, it would seem Walmart has their own big-ass cookie plan in the form of King Krumb cookies (which feels like it comes awfully close to having KKK for initials), and Food and/or Wine-dot-com has thoughts about that. We have thoughts, too, but they’re mainly about how the name King Krumb reminds us of Donkey Kong Country villain King K. Rool.
Looks like Texas has become the seventh state in the country to ban lab-grown meat alongside Indiana, Florida, Mississippi, Alabama and others. The law goes into effect in September and was reportedly quite fervently supported by the Texas ranching industry. Our take? Lab grown meat does kind of feel like a sci-fi nightmare, and we just think people should think about what’s right for them. Of course, the environmental impact of meat production is insane, so maybe we’ll all be dead soon and not have to worry about any of it anymore?
This will likely surprise nobody out there, but Trump’s dumb-ass new bill (you know, that one that’s gonna fuck people out of medical help and is super queer-phobic and sucks so huge and people will die?) is gonna hit restaurants, too. In a new piece from online outlet Nation’s Restaurant News, writers Sam Oches and Alicia Kelso break it all down.
Lastly in not-just-local news this week, a website called WorldAtlas published rankings for the most unhealthy restaurants in America, and the ‘phobic Chick-fil-A is all up on the list alongside KFC and Quizno’s and such. That’s probably a tough pill to swallow for people who apparently like fried chicken sandwiches enough to not care about the real-world harm businesses can do to queer folks. See you in hell, Chick-fil-A!
As far as we know, King K. Rool doesn’t have a cookie company.
A Totally Scientific Breakdown of The Fork’s Correspondence
This week in the print edition of SFR, it seems there’s no food coverage. Sorry, everyone, but you’ll just have to live with that.
Number of Letters Received
11, but they were not from readers so much as they were products trying to get us to talk about them, but we’ll never do that!!!
*Please email us at [email protected]. We’ll respond here as best we can!
Most Helpful Tip (A Barely Edited Comment From a Reader)
“Raise a toast to independence!”
*No.
Actually Helpful Tip
It wasn’t in email form, but someone called the office to let us know about El Rigoberto’s, and thank goodness they did!
*Now let’s forget our troubles with a big bowl of burritos!
With cookie priorities straight,
The Fork
